I love my new fabulous layout! I finally know how to install one! Lol But yeah, I have a couple of things that are heavy on my heart and now that I have my LJ like I want it, I’m going to share with everyone. This post is about my regrets. Which leads to my first one. Rejection. I was infatuated with him so deeply. He’s the hottest Filipino and Salvadorean guy ever. In 9th grade (he was a 10th grader) we had a thing. He had spiky hair and he was skinny. But you know what? I thought he was the shit. And he was to me. We first met in Spanish class. We had that class everyday. We were cool until BOOM! Second semester hit. From them, we didn’t have class together anymore. But then through those crowded halls of our high school, we found each other and that’s rare because there are 3000 students at my school. He walked me to my tech class. We even held hands. HE asked me out but I made the mistake of going with someone before and letting him dump me. So therefore my depression got the best of me and I thought I wasn’t good enough for Eduardo. So therefore I declined his offer the first time. Valentines day rolled around and he asked me out again, once again, I got nervous and still thought I wasn’t good enough for him, so I declined again. That summer, we started talking on the phone and stuff and he asked me out once again. STUPID ASS ME made up an excuse saying that it would “affect our friendship”. Just typing that and thinking about it makes me want to just punch myself in the heart. To me, that was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. Now he’s a totally different person. He has longer hair, bigger muscles, about to be a senior, and a model at our school. He’s just even more handsome than he was. And now all these girls want to be up under him and it pisses me off so much. Just knowing that I did that makes me mad. Not being with him is probably one of the reasons I’m unhappy because he has my heart and he doesn’t even know it. I regret not being with him. A Lot.
My other regret was a Filipino/Jamaican girl named Michelle Gabay.
Yes I am about to go there. She was my best friend. And a good girl gone bad. Literally. We met back in the 8th grade. I was new and we met in gym class. I bugged her to death until she became my friend. We were pretty close. One time, she felt faint and laid herself out right in the middle of the parking lot. Just laid on the ground like it was a bed. I stood there and just waited until she got well again. People in the street were asking what was wrong, but I said that everything was okay and that I would take care of her. So a few minutes later she got up and I helped her get home. A REAL friend does that. So 9th grade for us was really good. We were closer than ever, went everywhere together, the movies, Starbucks, the mall. We were best friends really quick. But then as the friendship progressed I found out that she had problems. Big problems. And she started getting mean by the time 10th grade came around. She would have these crazy mood swings and would get angry if I gave someone else my attention. Her mood swings and selfishness only got worse. One morning, I caught sight of Eduardo, I was so overjoyed to see him and he was pretty glad to see me too, so we were walking up the stairs and stuff and we
Were talking and catching up on things when this BITCH (yes I said bitch) runs up behind us and pushes me against the wall! I was milliseconds from pushing her down that flight of fucking stars (I got angry for a minute there). She’s yelling at me and insulting Eduardo at the same time. That whore was dead to me at that time. She followed me home that day and I swore to myself that I wouldn’t hit her. I didn’t even want her breathing my air. She was angry with me because I didn’t see her and I walked past her with Eduardo SO THE FUCK WHAT! At that point in time, I didn’t give a rats ass about her. She had been pissing me off lately and talking to Eduardo was more important at that time. Her attitude was driving me away more and more. But then BOOM that dreaded second semester hits. She starts getting 10x worse. So I start getting closer to Javannie (my other best friend). Michelle gets mad and says that I’m stealing her best friend (they were bets friends before me and Michelle were). It wasn’t my fault she was acting like bitch towards her also. Oh well. She starts hanging out with other people which I didn’t have a problem with, but what I did have a problem with was the other people she was associated with. One was a whore (who I forgot the name of but I don’t care) and the other was a drug addict bastard (some white guy). They started turning Michelle bad. And it spread quick. Michelle starts skipping school and crap. I tired to confront her on it but now she was playing some silent game on me. So I confront her on that and she blames me for the way she feels. BITCH IT AINT MA FAULT YOU FUCKED UP! So then she ends our friendship because she thinks I’m getting tired of her. I was the one trying to find out what was wrong with her ass! So by the end of our school year, she ignored me and stuff. I dare her to say something to me. She’s another reason why I’m not as happy as I used to be. Loosing her broke my heart. I’m real hesitant to say that I miss her, but I kind of do. Her attitude pisses me off and if I ever see her around it’s over for her. She seriously has one time to say something to me. She deserves to get fucked up for all the bullshit she put me through. I shouldn’t have to always pay for her movies or food and get nothing back in return. I shouldn’t have to be the one to blame for her enormous downfall. It’s not my fault. It’s hers. She’ll pay one day one way or the other. Karma’s a bitch and she deserves to have something happen to her for the way she treated me as a friend. No one deserves to be treated like a puppet. Heh. I hope she’s reading this. But anyways. There’s a tad bit of my reality for you all. Leave some comments!!
- Dyanna Azriel
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